Counselor Chad Karger from Porter’s Call walks us through the importance of learning your own story, walking with people over fixing them, and slowing down every day to practice mindfulness. Tangent included: Everyone’s pet peeves when flying… Practice: Slow Down to Practice Mindfulness (journal/meditate/stillness)
Episode Summary:
Counselor Chad Karger from Porter’s Call walks us through the importance of learning your own story, walking with people over fixing them, and slowing down every day to practice mindfulness.
Tangent included: Everyone’s pet peeves when flying…
Practice: Slow Down to Practice Mindfulness
(journal/meditate/stillness)
If you’ve found this or another practice helpful, let us know at mail@10000minutes.com and we might include your story in a future episode!
Show Notes:
Porter’s Call: https://www.porterscall.com
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When I think about my life too, when I'm not doing the things that are good for me, it's, it's shortsightedness. Mm-hmm.
Hey everybody, Tim Tim's here with the next 10,000 minute podcast Today. We've got, uh, Tim Timmons. We've got Chris Cleveland. Hey guys. We've got a Moy Denise. Hi. We're all sitting on the same side of the table and we are just talking Now with your significant other. I'm
The same side of the table. Are you? You? Yeah, I am. I'm that guy.
Okay. I'm not judging you. I'm just maybe I know, it's weird.
It's like countercultural from even how I would judge people. Yeah. I'd probably judge the couple that sits on the same side, but we do.
And you're having a meal together and you're looking at each other's sideways like this. Yeah. Hey babe.
I don't think it's always now, but, but we're some
Sex. Yeah. Like cafeteria style.
Cafeteria style or like on little benches. Yeah.
Like,
Yeah. Do you prefer a side, a side sit or a, a front face sit,
You know, you know so many different sits, huh? Yeah.
Might depend on the, yeah.
I think I prefer 'em to the side. Yeah. Like, bam. Bam. That's preferred. Ah,
So interesting.
Well, if you wanna know how we got this well adjusted, today's podcast is for you.
Yes. It's so true, everybody. So, um, you're gonna hear about our issues today. So we have, uh, Chris and I's therapist
Yeah.
Is on today. So Chad Carer is on, and uh, it's such a good conversation. Oh yeah. We just did it. People, so it, it's like fresh
Mm-hmm.
Disgusting. I've been practicing all these things.
I think you heard the word Chris. I heard the word
Tim with the devil. Everybody. It was more of a Tim Timmons going, here's why I suck. Help me. So, uh, yeah, we basically got free therapy today, we're done. And I said about
Four words and just took it in
And then when I was four, um, but I think you might even get a free therapy.
Yeah. It's so
Good session today because it's that good everybody. Mm-hmm.
Just given the segue.
You're doing so great. You're doing so great. Um, I will say this, that, uh, if you do want to support 10,000 minutes, please do that. Thank you. For those of you who have already been supporting 10,000 minutes. Yes. Really thankful for you. Really. And then if you wanna support what Chad's doing, uh, you can go to Porter's call. I don't even know if it's, it's gonna be the show notes. Yeah,
It's gonna be the show notes. It'll be in the description. It's
Low. It's worth supporting, because what they do is they are therapists for, uh, recording artists. Mm-hmm.
Hey everybody, this is Moi. Sadly, some of our video footage is missing today, but we promise that our conversation with Chad is an amazing one. We thank you for your understanding.
We've got Chad Carter. Yeah. It's great to hear. And I just, I just clarified your last name. Carter. I appreciate you doing that because you're my therapist and Chris's therapist. And I don't call you by your last name. I call you Chad.
I just wanna say Mother. And I told Tim how to say your name before you came in. So I would
Like the, I just, I wanted to say it right? Cause I could totally say Krieger, you're
Snitching, we're
Fighting. But you, you said thank you and I I did. And that's what,
Wanna take the credit? Yeah. Yeah.
No, thank you, Chris. Thanks,
Man.
Can you read Chris right now? Why is he such a douche? Is it
This podcast gonna be too long?
Can tell all
A lot of my friends have talked about you Yes.
Behind your back.
Because so many of us come see you. Yeah. I was actually with a friend this weekend and he was like, we're talking about Stephanie. He's like, do you see Chad? I was like, yeah.
Yeah, I do. Oh man.
And then
We just took my name in
Vein. Totally. He is the worst. And that's generally what comes out of her mouth. Yeah. So everybody, uh, you don't know Chad carer. Mm-hmm.
I was, I wasn't sure.
Uh,
Uh, because Chad works for
Porter's Call.
Porter's Call. And Porter's call is a nonprofit that mm-hmm.
Porter's call exists to provide care and counsel to touring artists and their loved ones spouses, uh, partners has been around for 21 years. Um, and all the counseling that we do is, uh, free of charge. The industry basically underwrites
Yeah. Like label, like our labels actually pay.
They, they just donate. So like, wow. We, so from the very beginning, the origin story really quickly was Al Andrews, our founder, was a in private practice here in Nashville or in Franklin. And a couple of record label executives came to him and said, can we basically buy your Wednesday and your Thursday? Huh? And then just clear that out on your schedule and point artists that need help towards you. And he said, yeah, we can try that. And so basically they did that and, uh, they it to all artists in town, not just their artists. Mm. So the very act of that generosity was at the very beginning. Wow. And then it just kind of took off from there. So it's practice basically closed and then opened as Porter's call. So now he's the founder. I'm one of the porters. Uh, and there's two other, uh, porters as well there. And
Chris and I come calling a lot
And they come That's good. Porter's call. That's good.
Yeah. So, I mean, you see a bunch of people. Yeah. You've seen a ton of artists.
Yeah. That's all I see. Or the spouse or partners of those artists. Mm-hmm.
Who's the most jacked up talked
Good shot.
What, what does the rhyme win? You don't have to say it, but
Jim,
I mean, it could be you letter, so I'll figure it out. So I, I've told you this in the office, but my mom's a therapist as well. Yeah. And she's actually been on the podcast and she's amazing. No pressure. But I'm al always, we're always as kids going, oh, that's a great story. But what was, what was her name again? Mama. You know, just always trying to get her Timothy
I get that too. So
Too good. From your
Family, from my family, from friends. Yeah. So it's kind of a parlor game, you know, once people hear about,
So you're saying I'm a cliche
What you just did.
Dang it. Dang it. That's
The best part, because I feel like when most of us are from name rural town in America mm-hmm. Or something like other places mm-hmm.
Yeah. You
Know, that's too good.
Yeah. Cool joke. Wow. That's funny. Yeah. Wow. That was really funny.
Totally. Yeah. I mean, you can for sure use my name. Okay.
Honesty like that, wow. Almost. You just can't, you know, find that very, yeah. That's, and
I feel better about myself today,
Yeah, man, I, it's probably, it is not just one thing. So the, when I think about, you know, common themes like that, I just, there's a lot of different ones that come to my mind, but probably one of the very first things that comes to my mind is that people, um, are really hard on themselves. Mm-hmm.
An example?
I mean, suppressing, um, so whether it's like they minimize, like how much stress they're carrying. Mm-hmm. So they're, their, their sense of their payload is like off mm-hmm.
Are there, are there ways that people, so most people who are listening to this are not artists mm-hmm.
Yeah, I mean,
Just even in that, in that, that vein. Yeah.
I mean, you're right. Like, I think this is definitely a universal thing. I, I don't think this is, uh, what I'm saying about people underestimate not take care of themselves is not particularly too just artists. I think this is something that we all kind of will tend to do at different seasons in our life. So diagnostic kind of work is, yeah. There. I I think what you're asking me is like, are there practical things that people can do in their everyday life outside of the therapist's office that help them key back into
Yeah. I mean, so if that's like, if that's a normal area where you just see our whole community mm-hmm.
Yeah. I think, you know, my first thought is like, if I can get them to, to begin to listen to kind of what they're telling themselves, the narrative, the voices, you know, so different ways of doing that would be like journaling and meditation. Those are the first, those are usually the first two prescriptions, you know, that I offer a person is like, and, and not, not that I don't want them sitting down to write, you know, nonfiction tell law, like journal. I just, I need for you just to key into like what's going on side of you mm-hmm.
And I need to rethink that. Mm-hmm.
Okay. So I know that mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the million dollar question. There's, you know, it's interesting right now, like if you go to Amazon or to a bookstore and you just look at some of the popular non-fiction self-help books, it's things like how to be happy. Right. How do you change, you know, it's like, and I think it's really getting at this idea of, of stuckness, A lot of these books talk about, um, that one of the books that I reference a lot is a book called Atomic Habits. And he talks about kind of the incremental approach to change. So I, I guess the failure, the breakdown when, you know, this is a good exercise, but you don't do it, uh, kind of gleaning some, you know, knowledge from these different sources that I'm sort of referencing here is the idea that it's, it's a failure of, I guess, vision.
Like, you wake up, you realize like, I really probably should carve out some time to sit down and do that before I really engage the day. But something in your mind says, no. The most important thing is to rush out the door and get on with it. Mm-hmm.
It's an hour of intentional time. Yeah. You're basically just putting on the parking break. Yeah. And so, to me, I guess that's when I think about my life too, and I'm not doing the things that are good for me, it's, it's shortsightedness. Mm-hmm.
So, so what enables that thinking, like seeing all the people you, you meet with mm-hmm.
Yeah. This is the other thing that I was thinking about when you asked me, like, what's a common theme is that the, the the other kind of related to that is a, a an unknowing or a lack of knowledge or awareness about what drives us. And more specifically like history and more specifically family of origin. Mm-hmm.
It's inspiring us, as it were. Maybe not always healthfully mm-hmm.
You did just say gr for the mill
Therapy talk.
Yes. Yeah. A special word.
Just like that's gonna be what,
Like grease?
Yeah. Or,
Or is gr an actual
Word? Sure. We can do grease for the will as well.
Yeah. Don't correct the therapist. No,
I'm, I'm, I'm trying to understand.
This is, we'll, we'll have to look that up. But that is actually
Gr is it gr,
G r i s t for the mill mill. Like you're, mm.
Yeah. You guys didn't know that
Please. That makes me wanna look it up.
Makes me feel like grist would be like effort to get the will going. And Grease would be like the thing that makes it easier for it to spin
Or, and grist milk grind, cereal grain to flour in Middlings. Uh,
Gosh. And you know what the good, I know what middlings are.
Right. All of our
Listeners and I really got this.
You're right. They're like idiots. That's where
We're gonna make to cereal. That's where we're gonna make the thing. So if you don't get anything else from this podcast today,
Chris Mill, Chris. So sorry. Uh, oh gosh. Cheers. That's, that's what I do. I I had a great question on the other side, but I was like, I can't let grist go cause I didn't know what that meant.
No, no, please. It might be the exact opposite of what you're saying. Cause Grist feels for
I feel like grease for the wheel. Mm-hmm. Grist for the mill, grease for the wheel.
That's what I always say. Let's go
Every morning,
Okay. Back to the will
History and story like that to me is, okay, so
Here's my question, right? Um, is there a way that just civilians, we're gonna call ourselves civilians Yeah. On this side of the table. Okay.
I think sometimes we are, I, I do think that, and so we do need people who are prompting us, prodding us, antagonizing us, maybe mm-hmm.
You looking, are there certain things you're looking for, or are there words you're looking for? Are there like things that, when you're asking these like zero to 10 questions mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah. So I'm looking for like this, this actually, I'm always trying to give credit where credit due, because I don't really have an original thought inside of my head. It's all, I'm, I'm just standing on the shoulders of everybody that I've learned from. Yeah. So my boss actually, uh, Al was one of my professors, and he has some really interesting work that he's done around story and, and helping people understand their story. So like, I look for places of like, where people talk about he, the word he uses innocence, where, where they think back in their story, where it was just like that moment as a child where you're just like, this is, you know, playing down by the pond and my friends and skipping rocks and just, you're just like, this is the whole entire world and it's beautiful and safe and I love it. So I listen for those kinds of, you
Know, where was innocence.
Yeah. And then, and then of course o obviously the world is troubled Yeah. And difficult and broken. So in due time that child will experience some sort of tragedy, a loss of that innocence. Mm-hmm. That's a significant marker somewhere in that timeframe. Um, and then not soon after, not long after that person, we go through tragedy. We have to figure out a way to live in light of like the systemic brokenness. Wow. So he calls that contending the way we contend with the world, with ourselves, with others. So we create a plan coping mechanisms, like that's a significant part of the story. Mm-hmm. Um, and then obviously that's
Part of contending. Yeah.
And, and then what you're helping a person move to is maybe emerge from the contending sort of broken coping strategies to more full like redemptive reconciled place with themselves and others in the world. Mm-hmm.
Playing down by the pond with your friends innocence is something that moment that, you know, my first child came into the world, that's a moment of pure innocence where you're just like, this is the whole entire world. Yeah. This is the center of the universe. Yeah. Hmm. And, um, of course, you know, not long after that that you know there's gonna be trouble. Mm. And so that, that those are important markers mm-hmm.
Themes do you see about people on how they see god?
Hmm. That's a great question. And I did note, like, that would be one of the things, spirituality and faith, especially we are in Nashville and there's a huge segment of the population that kind of, that's kind of the culture like mm-hmm.
Hmm. Um, but, you know, I go back sometimes in my mind when I'm talking to people and, you know, some of my very early education in psychology and in counseling my, both my undergrad and master's degree, I remember reading some of the classic literature, you know, from essentially atheistic philosophers and psychologists about how people project upon God, you know, their own experiences Yeah. Around their parents and their fathers as classic Sigma and Freud. Right. Um, you know, Carl Yung talked about archetypes, you know mm-hmm.
Um, you know. Yeah. Hmm. So there's a, there's some serious distortion. I'm on the one hand very grateful that people are really taking stock and stopping and thinking about mm-hmm.
Um, but I do my understanding of those topics and things related to the idea of God and the person of who God is and theology and philosophy is we're, we're oftentimes in the room, in my opinion, and closer to that topic than maybe most people realize sometimes. Mm-hmm.
They're like, well, that's interesting. They just put me on the spot. And so then I just say, well, this is how I do it personally. Hmm. And I can, you know, share that. Yeah. Or it's like, somebody ask me an accounting session, what would you do in this situation? And I will say to them, that's not typically a question that people ask me. Right. And they're like, they're, they're kinda like, oh, really? Hmm. But I, but we're, you're, aren't you? That's what you do. And I'm like, actually, it's not actually what I do. Right, right. Right. I mean, I have all kinds of thoughts and feelings about all kinds of things that people are talking to me about. That's not the time and place to bring all those up. Right, right. That's not why they're there. Hmm. But occasionally someone will just put me on the spot and ask me straight up, you know,
And then, then you use your feeling words.
I feel like we're gonna end this session. Yeah,
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nuts sometimes
Um, I had a question about is there a common why people are deconstructing at least the people that you're working with? Is there a common why or a
Similar related to faith or,
Right, yeah. Or similar situations or experiences in life that have them wanting to deconstruct in therapy. Mm-hmm.
I would say probably it's probably related to that part of their story where there's tragedy or hurt mm-hmm.
The ideas, at least related to how they understand God. They just keep working sort of, you know, keeping their eye on their situation until they have something that they feel like lines up with that. Hmm. And so that's a lot of times where I feel, um, uh, people kind of come how they kind of come in with that idea. Yeah. And they're in varying degrees of that. So they've, they've, uh, done away with, you know, some maybe tenants of their Christian faith, like questions about what happens after we die, or how people come to be made. Right. Or whole, you know, they mm-hmm.
So the porter was really there to extend hospitality to people who would stop in the monastery on their way somewhere. So offering them a mill, a place to stop and rest and reflect directions on where they're going. Mm-hmm.
Because if you said that, what, what would happen? And is that, is that if they lived your way, would that be the best thing for them
Think that's part of it. It's, it's a lot like, you know, when we're raising our children, it's like, man, I wish I could just help you not go through what you're about to go through. Yeah. But I think you probably have to mm-hmm.
Right.
Right. Like, they don't, this doesn't seem to be helping them because all I see is them making more and more mistakes. Whereas me, as the therapist is thinking, this is a very slow process. You can't just pull someone in by the caller and say, stop doing that. Change
Your behavior. Yeah. Right.
Yes. It just doesn't work that way. We don't, we don't, that's not how it works, you know? Mm-hmm.
That is so wild. I just, not to make too much of a tangent, but we're talking a lot about the Bible right now in our community and the accommodating nature of God. Mm. So how God through, even in the Bible, like, you know, Genesis one and two is talking about the man and the woman, man, wife mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So bad. Yeah. But I I I can't make you do
That.
Nah, no. It's, and to, for God, I mean, it's actually beautiful. Yeah. If that's truly who God is, that he's one who's been accommodating all this time, kind of just as this beautiful father mm-hmm.
I think occasionally, I, I think that's well said. I I love that idea and that really resonates with me. And then we do have the stories where, you know, God wrestles Jacob, Psalm 23 says, he makes me lie down in green, pastor. You know, there are these moments where he, he, we get into those moments where we're no longer being accommodated, but he is literally imposing himself upon us. And Hmm. And it's kind of that moment where it's the, the moment, it's the change moment, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Couldn't that be grace and truth? I mean that and the, the best description.
Absolutely. When someone talks to me about biblical counseling, you know, and that whole field and understanding of how to do therapy. That's what I think about is like, I know kind of what they're referencing in terms of like, the idea of who the person is and how a person becomes whole. But generally speaking, to me, biblical counseling is that work of like, holding grace and truth in tension. Hmm. Um, I, I mean, I just have so many different people who come into my office with so many different backgrounds and histories and habits and ways of doing life that if, if I have this thinly prescribed kind of view of reality where I can work, yeah. I'm just gonna be useless. Gosh, to most people. Yeah.
Well, only to a certain few will you work
There? Yeah. I, man, I've got so many different walks of life sitting there. It's a very small community when you think about the general population recording artists. Right, right. And their loved one. Right. That's pretty small. But when you then dive into that community and really look at it, it's very diverse. And there's so many different lifestyles in that community. Yeah. And so, you know, my personal opinion about those is relevant sometimes, but not always. Yeah. Hmm.
Yeah. I think that is normal life. I think that I've thought that too, in this season where everything seems so polarized, I have thought about the work that I do and the habit that is required in that space to be a little bit more patient with something that's other different variation. That, that's actually probably, that's something that like, I need to apply that to other areas of my life, you know? Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
It just makes life for you as the person trying to control just really miserable, right? Mm-hmm.
Said that almost every session. I'm like, you know what? Shut, shut your face. Stop. That's fine.
Yeah. Delete for memory. You know
What's funny is like, I bring those things up a lot because they're like, the things I'm thinking about in my own life, my kids are all like, scattered abroad. Yeah. And, you know, and, and there's big issues in my own life, so I'm like, man, I just don't have very much control Yeah. Over very many important things in my life. So if I don't have any control, what's the other way I can relate to these things? And the way I, the word I use is respond or be responsible. If I can't control it, I can respond to them or it, and that's, that, that feels important to me. That there's something there that really, um, resonates with me as opposed, as opposed to me, the vision of me, the idea of me trying to control, you know. Yeah. Outcomes. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why that gets talked about a lot in there in
Our last session, which I can share about
Interject his own.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Chad. No, Chad was, oh my gosh. I, I have not stopped thinking about it, but it's in the same vein when you're basically telling me to slow down, like slowing my, you know, with my kids when things don't go the way that I think they should go. Mm-hmm.
Um, the anxiety is anxiety.
Anxiety is
Speed. Yeah.
Hmm. Yeah. Well, I just wanted you to talk about that a little bit,
Right. Yeah. Slowing down. I mean, I, I I just think that's a really helpful, you know, trait or habit to get into, especially when our body and our mind starts telling us like, danger, danger that all those warning lights start going off. Yeah. And it, like, everything just starts revving up. And so to avoid the danger, we start really moving through time and space people really quickly Yeah. To try to cut it off at the pass. And usually that's where we do the most harm to others and to ourself. That's where we usually come back and say, look, I'm sorry. I just totally, I just kind of lost myself in that space. And so, and that's good to be able to do that. I mean, you need relationships where you can come back and say, I messed that up. Yeah. But like, maybe you could do it differently the next time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You wouldn't necessarily have to ask for the apology, but you could just say like, okay, I need to stop here and just take a second, you know, and get my bearings.
The, the helpful thing was you pushing me past just stopping and getting my bearings, but it was stopping getting my bearings, but also replacing it with compassion. Yeah. Replacing it for myself or the other person, or empathy for myself mm-hmm. Or the other person. And gosh, even in anxiety, that like, deep worry. That's just the speed. I mean, uh, um, an anxiety attack is seems to be
The speeding up,
Like the speeding up of all these things. You literally,
Your body's literally speeding up. You, you don't, you're breathing really shallow. You're breathing faster. Right. Your heart's racing. Mm-hmm.
It's like this, the, the, uh, not the echo chamber, but um, that just cycle when all of a sudden your thoughts go into a place and then it just starts spinning. Oh. But it's in this little box and it like keeps spinning faster and faster. There's no reality to it. Yeah.
Which is
Precise about reality.
I
Remember middle illness, um, oh,
Oh. It's, um, just not accepting reality or not living in reality because you think you can still, uh, have something you can't, you can no
Longer have basically not living in reality or accepting your reality
Anyways. You can't remember what it was was great, Carol. You did a great job. Yeah. I
Mean, yeah.
I remember we remember it.
Had one before you.
Oh. I feel like
On when I, we have guests like Chad, like we were Yeah. I just sit back and listen the whole time. I feel like I don't talk at all, but it's because I'm just like trying to get my money's worth or something. I have Did you find it? Yes.
Okay. Go for it. I was gonna say, um, this might not connect mm-hmm.
So yeah. That's that whole like, idea of self-care mm-hmm.
Right. Chad, one time you, you made this illustration, it was so good about, um, um, ooh, what was it? Um, oh, Timmons. You're killing it. Uh, per first of, I literally, I just did it A person who stutters
Yeah. So let's see if I can get it right. Yeah. Cause
I'll, I'll correct
You. Yeah. So I read an, I read an article about, it was when Joe Biden was running for president, cuz he has a stutter. And, and so this guy wrote an article and did Atlantic about this. And he basically talks about how when people have a stutter, there's certain words they know are coming in the conversation or they're gonna have to use that are blocks for them. And so that they, they stutter on those words or those syllables or those sounds or letters. And so as they see them coming in their mind's eye, they have to work around that word. Hmm. And so they're constantly doing that. So someone who's managing their stutter a lot of times will, will slow down in their speech Hmm. So as to be able to work around those different blocks and the conversation, and a lot of times people hearing them, I've had conscious stutter and, and so when you're listening to someone's stutter, sometimes you're, you're, if you don't stutter, you're listening to 'em, you want to jump in and help them say the word.
Right. Yeah. And that's not actually what's going on. They don't, they haven't forgotten the word. Right? Mm-hmm. They're literally doing this mental gymnastics to get around certain sounds. Wow. And I just think it's a really powerful, like I know that a person who stutters wishes probably they didn't stutter, so I don't want to, I, I know that they would change if they could or as they work on that in therapy, but the idea of what they're doing there mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Yeah. And in our conversation you used it in a different way,
Yeah.
Um,
And so the person with the work that's working on their stutter, they, they will stop sometimes and they can't work around it, so they have to actually go slow and work through it. Right?
Mm.
And with time they begin to feel more comfortable with those sounds, syllables letters.
Yeah. Yeah. And how many of those places in my marriage Yeah. Or in relationships or in my own life, do I go, oh, don't wanna go there again. Don't wanna feel that I'm gonna go run this. I wanna feel that I wanna go around this. Mm-hmm.
No. Yeah. I can, it works both ways. I just found that I was meeting with someone, it was interesting cuz I had a couple of clients who struggled with that. And then it was during the presidential election and people were talking about Joe Biden like, like he, like he didn't know what he was talking about. Like, he was old because he was speaking slowly, but it was not that, and he just doesn't talk about his stutter very much. And this guy wrote this article Wow. Was kind of making that point. Wow. It's like he's speaking slow because he's doing all those little mental gymnastics to get through the conversation. It's like, wow. That didn't, it's like someone who walks slow. It's so good.
Yeah.
It's like that they're not, it's okay if you walk slow. I just need to slow down. I tend to walk fast, you know? Right. Mm-hmm.
Well, I think they should walk faster.
So does my wife
My daughter when we, we took her to on her look 13th birthday trip to Boston. And we're like, Hillary and I are just hauling, like we're going on our walks in the mornings, you know, like full on mega speed. And she's like, you guys, can we not walk slow? I was like, damn. No, you will walk with us. We gotta get, we gotta case this down.
Oh my goodness. Places to sing. Yeah.
So just good parenting stuff that I Yeah. That Chad told me to do. Yeah. Yeah. He said force them
Don't listen. Yeah. Don't listen to what they do. Don't compromise. No. Yeah.
If anything does not compromise.
Right. Right. You're right. All
Troll Tim. All truth. Expect Chad, have
You ever met Tom Tomins?
No. He hasn't met Tom
Toms yet. Tom Tomins is Tim Timmons alter ego.
Oh no. He really
Shows up when we zoom. Okay.
One of my stress
When the cameras have to be set up and
When Tim goes into his stress mode and things are overwhelming, uh, Tim becomes, Tom
Disappears. Tom shows up. Yes.
In the Enneagram. If that's your world. I kind of just go straight to the negative part of the one. This is how I see the world. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
That's so funny. Funny. The do spots here now you're outdoor
Ego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.
That's so funny. We're gonna
Talk through that one next day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, um, parts about you guys. Why are you guys dumb?
Chad
Already guys.
I, I told my wife I'm doing a podcast today. Call 1000 Minutes, but it's 10,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 9,000 not, yeah, that's perfect. That's fine.
Yeah, yeah. It's be a long day. Day. It's gonna be a long day, but you're gonna do great. Okay. So these are speed round Oh, okay. Things. Well, we're gonna judge you now. Okay. Um, you've been judging us and now it's our turn just to go. Wow. He really avoided that. You know what I mean? That kinda thing. Like slow down, but this isn't slow down time. This is speed up
Um, put my ooah sandals on. Oh, I don't even know. Sauce sandals. Yeah. Yeah. Through these foam sandals. They're right by my bed.
You just put 'em on.
Yeah. Put my feet in them.
I love it. Can you tell us more
Hmm.
I'm into it. That's
Awesome. I'm looking,
That's literally, I spin in my bed and put my, put those on like an old man and his slippers.
Oh my gosh.
Um, I love potato chips. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. A handful though. That's not bad.
A bag full. I mean, I mean, if you, no, it's not a bag full, but like,
Well, what's a bag? I mean, they're lit. There's family size, but we
Had these little plastic bowls in our house that we've had since the kids were tiny. Yeah. And I don't know why we still have 'em, but we do. And they're my designated like chip holder, chip and my kids come home and they're like, they look at me pouring my chips still. Yeah. Like, after 20 years, still pouring like a little thing of chips and they just kind of roll their eyes. Like, dad, something's ever changed. There you are with your chips in the plastic bowl.
Is there a brand that is your kind of go-to? Like, this is
My jam. I mean, no, I Anything You need a crunch? Yeah. Salt starch,
Salt vinegar, I mean any Oh
Yeah. And, and I was just in Canada with my wife her, she's from Canada. We were up there visiting her family and they have like a whole nother chip game up there. Oh, wow. Potato chip. They have like, um, all dressed,
Ooh.
They have, I don't like ketchup, but the ketchup potato chip is, I'm not life changing.
Nope. I just barfed in my mouth. Ketchup.
Ketchup. I, I'm, I'm not, I'm sure
Saying I'm strong. We don't like ketchup. Yeah.
I don't like ketchup that either Canadian friends said. No, Chad. I don't either, but eat the chip. Yeah.
Is, I wanna talk to you about peer pressure.
I should say. So there you go. That's bad habit.
Wow. Uh, most recent book you've read.
Um, uh, let's see. Probably a Gentleman in Moscow by Amer Tolls. Oh, okay. I'm rereading it. Okay. Because it's so good. It's a novel.
Read it like six
Times. Yeah. Big deal. It's about a man notes. It's about a man who lives in a mo in a hotel. Hotel, yeah. In Moscow. Moscow. Yeah. Yeah. At during the SFI Revolution. Watch your
Mouth continue. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. We don't cuss on this
It's really, it's really fascinating. It's pretty interesting. Does he die? Uh,
I don't wanna give the end of life
Spoilers. That's such a good book.
Okay. Mountains or beach.
Oh, mountains. Yeah.
I knew that one. You
Got
This tan going on? It looks like a
Beach tan right now. No, I've been in the mountains. Okay. I was in the, I was in the mountains of Utah for a week and then the Canadian Rockies for a week. Let's go. Okay. So I'm like, he's like
Got, he's a buttoned down. Yeah.
He's
Got a little tan down. Yeah. Yeah. Let him, Jasmine,
I'm, I got the glow.
I'm Glow Mountain Glow
Playing for two weeks. All
Did you bring your dog?
No, we couldn't on this trip. Yeah.
It's a total mountain dog. Everybody.
Yeah, she is.
Uh, pet peeve.
Um, oh man, pet peeve. Oh man. See this is this ponytails? No. In
Your therapy office.
Grease versus gr
I This is a real, this is probably a blind spot for me. Like my wife would if she were sitting there, I'd guarantee you she'd have 'em. She would be like, oh, Chad, this is your pet peeve. But, um, I'm having a hard time answering this because I'm in my mind, convinced myself that I don't have a pet peeve. Okay. See how broken that is? Oh,
Maybe not. So maybe people having pet peeves.
Is your pet peeve, uh,
Dramatic people
This. There you go. There you go. There you go. Here we go. He's a safe place. Safe
Place. And he was sucking his teeth.
What? Oh no.
Like that. So like he's sitting right there and my grandfather used to do that and like, he
Had some chicken in his teeth. He had something leftover.
Yeah. But he's just like, and he's watching something, so he is got his ear buzz so you can't hear it,
Hear
It? No. And I'm sitting there in the, I'm like, that's my papa. That's what, what's going on? And I told my wife, I was like, somebody is sucking their teeth. Yeah. So I'm like, now I'm just doing this slow scan. I trying to
Catch it. Oh wait.
Totally.
And I'm like,
That a snap at em.
And I, I really wanted to tell him like, Hey, you got your, and this is really loud. Yeah. We all hear this. You don't.
And was this like a shut the heck? Yeah. Sort of breastfeeding
Thing. Okay. Do you do the thing I do this, you guys, I hate myself for this. I mean, I don't really hate myself, Chad, so we don't need to really get into that deeper
Bother me as much as like the personality that's loud
But planes actually planes having just spent a lot of time on planes the last two weeks. Yeah. That, that's probably, there's several things going on in a plane that, several scenarios that I would put under my Pet Peeve Academy.
A good sitcom.
There's a lot going on there. And I did fly first class on one of my trips,
Swish
Feel better about yourself on your own.
Yeah. Yeah. But the lady sitting next to me and she was looking at some really important spreadsheet about oil and gas. Yeah. And she was, the way she was chewing her gum instead of like just taking out a piece and putting it and put it back in her purse. Yeah. She literally opened the little gum Yep. Container. Yep. And she's looking at these spreadsheets and she's just like popping 'em in like one after another. Like, wow. She chew for a second and then just pop another one in. So
Was she swallowing
Them? I, no, I don't know. But I was like,
We get to where we're going.
She gonna be like a
Yeah. Willy Wonka. Yeah.
Yeah. Like just have like gum ball wadding her mouth.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I was trying to, I was looking like, again, I'm kind of doing the, like you're
Just analyzing everybody.
Totally. What
Is, this isn't
Conversation.
No, I think you're doing great,
We thought we didn't have any Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, exactly. Uh, yeah. Right. Uh, hidden talent.
Um, I mean, I can drive like a off-road vehicle extremely fast in really dangerous situations. Oh
Wow. I don't, haven't, haven't. That's How did you learn that?
Because I was on these, I did this trip last year. Yeah. And I did this trip just recently. This, I go out with this group from Houston, this company, and they go out and do these buggies in the mountains of Utah. The desert in the mountain. Yeah. And I did grow up around, like my dad was big into like, NASCAR and fast cars and drag strips and all that. Mm-hmm. And then he got me into go-karts and motorcycles. So most people in my life now don't realize, like if you put me your motor one Yeah. If you put me in one of those buggies, whoa. Like it's all out. Yeah. Pedal to the metal. A hundred percent.
I'm really nervous and excited
And so like, I do this work with this company, they bring me out as like a guide and a counselor. And most of them, like last year this happened, this year this happened. They realize like, oh, that's not who I thought you were.
Because they get in the buggy with me. Right.
Yeah. I don't, don't feel
Safe here. They're grabbing a little bar on the totally on the
Buggy and you know, we're going 80 miles an hour, you know, around these off Canberra turns and
Approach. It's different approach. It's a dog. It's more of like, we're
Just going for it. Totally. It's
Very provocative.
Gosh, I wanna have therapy with you in one of those things.
Um, food I can't live without. Ah, TexMex. Yes. Yeah. Definitely. Okay.
Yeah. You're a Texas
Guy. I could eat it every day. It doesn't bother me. Tacos, enchiladas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Queso. Good, good. Uh, salsa. Yeah.
I I actually think God is from Mexico. The mango. Yeah. To be honest. Yeah. Uh, something you're currently rethinking.
Um, something I'm currently rethinking. Hmm. Man, that's a good question.
Something you're currently rethinking.
Probably this is a little bit kind of, you know, my field, but probably like how there, there's a lot of new research on basically where emotions come from. Hmm. Like what emotions are and how, what their purpose is and how they're generated. And so I'm basically, I can see I'm being persuaded by the new science about what those actually are and how much we're involved in constructing what it is that we say we're feeling as opposed to like, I can't help it. I just feel that way.
It's just happening to you.
Right. You make me feel that way. Mm-hmm. This there's
Actually sounds like a whole nother podcast.
Oh my
Gosh. So that's probably me, like, like reading this literature just like, wow. That's not, that's different and it's compelling. Yeah. Mm. So
That's, that's John Edwards, uh, Spitzer, that name Right. That article.
Really read up on emotions.
Yeah. Yeah. That's, I've gotta, I'll send you a few, few articles. Johnny's great. Yeah. Uh, thanks for being with us.
Thank you guys. Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys. It's gonna be, it was a real honor to be here. Good.
So You're welcome.
Anytime. It is
A big
Honor to be, I I live around the corner, literally. That's awesome. So I'm happy to come. I love it anytime. So
I love it. Thanks dude.
Yeah. Thank you.
So what, what'd you guys hear? What was, what was like, Ooh,
It's a wealth of knowledge today. Yes. I feel like, um, I was kind of thinking of all of my sessions with Chad as he was talking. I was like, oh yeah, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. We did that. Yep. Yep. Hmm. And, um, I think there's power, and he talked about this through journaling, but also like, even just therapy in general, like getting the words out that are in your head somehow. Yeah. Has power, right? Mm-hmm.
That it was all of this. And when I say it out loud, it's kind of crazy. And then he was able to say kind of like what he talked about, he was able to say, Hey, you've, you've, let's take a step back. Yeah. You've been through some stuff. Yeah. And maybe, uh, you know, you've learned, what did he call it? I would call it like coping mechanisms, but, or survival tactics. Yeah. Those things that we do to kind of survive as a kid that don't really, may not, uh, be in our best interest as adults. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Um, I think it's just really helpful to be able to do that. And, um, I thought that was, for me, one of the most beneficial things in therapy and kind of where he started today. And I love that. Mm-hmm.
It,
He's ugly.
Yeah. He said podcasts say less. Yeah. Yeah. I'm coming and prepared. No, I, I think it's so awesome to understand that therapy is so important and it helps a lot of families, but there are parts of therapy that anyone can do. And I think him saying, learning how to be in people's seasons without feeling the need to interject or change the steps that they're taking Yeah. Yeah. Can be done by anyone. Of course, therapy gives you resources for you to help do that for yourself, um, and kind of see your world and your situation in a bigger picture. But the beauty in the heart of Porter's call and maybe the invitation of a, of for us is also to practice walking alongside people without needing to change something. Even though you think, you know, it's for their best. It could be a parent, it could be a friend where you just want them to be thriving and we love that heart, but what they need is someone to just walk alongside them.
Mm-hmm.
I, he helped me even just with the whole accommodating idea of how God's scriptures are actually somewhat God accommodating to where man has gone. Mm-hmm.
Too, which was so great. Cuz I think everyone has a different view and opinion of what it is. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. So maybe if, like, if we're practicing something this week out of this conversation, it's being mindful, learning how to slow down to understand your own story and that's, it could be journaling, it could be talking to a friend, it could be going to therapy, you know, there's beauty and you value something so much that you're going to make an hour a priority every week, you know? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Slowing down that, that one's huge with me. And I think even doing that, I've been trying to do that with Jesus, so mm-hmm.
So anyhoo, you guys, thank you for listening, watching, doing whatever you're doing. Uh, we are so truly grateful for you and, um, I don't know, just gonna do this with you. So
Yes, so please like, comment, we wanna know how it's going for you. All the things here, subscribe, share all of that, love and support we really do appreciate.
Bye.